The emotional cost of bullying: inofrmation for parents,
carers and anyone who works with young people
About this factsheet
This is one in a series of factsheets for parents, teachers
and young people entitled Mental Health and Growing Up.
The aims of these factsheets are to provide practical, up-to-date
information about mental health problems (emotional, behavioural
and psychiatric disorders) that can affect children and young
people. This factsheet looks in detail at what bullying is and how
it can affect young people. It also gives advice for parents and
teachers about how they can help a young person who is being
bullied.
Introduction
What is bullying?
Bullying happens when a child is picked on by another child or
group of children. It is hurtful and deliberate. It can happen in
many different ways. Children who bully may:
- hit or punch another child
- kick them or trip them up;
- take or spoil their things;
- call them names;
- tease them;
- give them nasty looks;
- threaten them;
- make racist remarks about them;
- spread nasty rumours or stories about them;
- not let them join in play or games;
- not talk to them - send them to Coventry.
Victims find it difficult to defend themselves. Bullying
usually happens again and again, and can go on for a long time
unless something is done about it.
How common is bullying?
Bullying is very common and probably happens in all schools.
Recent surveys in this country have shown that one in four primary
school pupils
and one in 10 secondary school pupils are being bullied.
Why does it happen?
There is no single reason why some children become bullies or
victims. Children who are aggressive are more likely to become
bullies. Often they have seen, or been a victim of, violence at
home. They pick on children who appear different in some way _
those who are quiet, shy, alone at playtime, and unable to defend
themselves. Children who stammer, who have a disability or who have
special educational needs are also more likely to be bullied.
Schools vary in how much bullying there is and how they deal
with it. All schools should have a clear policy on bullying. They
make sure that all teachers, parents, and children know about it.
They make it clear that they won't allow bullying or aggressive
behaviour. Schools that have these policies, and who take every
incident of bullying seriously, tend to have less bullying.
What effects does bullying have?
Being bullied can seriously affect a child's physical and
mental health. They lack confidence, feel bad about themselves,
have few friends and spend playtime alone. They may find it hard to
face going to school and difficult to concentrate on their work.
They may complain of various physical symptoms as a result of their
upset. They may worry and try to avoid going to school. Others
become very anxious, find it hard to sleep and may feel depressed,
or even suicidal. These problems can carry on long after the
bullying has stopped.
Who and what can help?
Parents
Be open to the possibility that your child
might be being bullied. Some parents may not think of bullying as a
possible reason for their child's distress.
Listen One of the most important things you
can do is to listen to your child if they say they are being
bullied. It can be very difficult for them to talk to anyone about
it.
Take your child seriously Many children
suffer in silence for a long time before they tell anyone.
They may be ashamed, embarrassed, and may believe that they
deserve it. Many children are frightened of telling because they
fear the bullies will find out and hurt them even more. It can take
great courage to tell an adult.
Do not blame the child Being bullied is not
their fault (although they may think it is).
Reassure them that they were right to tell
you.
Do not promise to keep the bullying a secret
Something must be done about it. Reassure your child that you, and
the teachers, will make sure that things do not get worse because
they have told you. Tell the school so they can stop it. Teachers
don't always know that a child is being bullied. Find out if there
is an anti-bullying programme in the school.
Talk with your child and work out ways of solving the
problem
Include your child in decisions about how to
tackle the problem. For example, work out some practical ways for
them to stop the bullying. You might discuss what they should say
back if they are called names, or where it's safe to go at
playtime.
School
Bullying happens in every school, so it is important that each
school has an effective anti-bullying programme. Good intentions
are not enough. Both pupils and staff need to act when they see a
child being bullied. Every school can obtain an anti-bullying pack
from the Department for Education and Skills. There are a number of
agencies that can offer advice and help in how to set up effective
programmes (see above sources of further information).
Other professionals who can help
Children whose health has been affected may benefit from some
specialist help from their general practitioner, school doctor, a
social worker or an educational psychologist who will be able to
offer help and advice. Children with emotional problems quite often
need these to be treated directly, even if the school has managed
to stop the bullying. Your general practitioner can refer your to
your child to a child and adolescent mental health service.
References
- Bernstein, J. Y. & Watson, N. W. (1997) Children who are
targets of bullying: a victim pattern. Journal of Interpersonal
Violence, 12, 483-497.
- Chesson, R. (1999) Bullying: the need for an interagency
response. BMJ, 319, 330 (www.bmjpg.com).
- Leff, S. (1999) Bullied children are picked on for their
vulnerability. BMJ, 318, 1076
(www.bmjpg.com).
Sources of further information
© [2004]
Royal College of Psychiatrists. This factsheet may be downloaded,
printed out, photocopied and distributed free of charge as long as
the Royal College of Psychiatrists is properly credited and no
profit is gained from its use. Permission to reproduce it in any
other way must be obtained from the Head of Publications. The College
does not allow reposting of its factsheets on other sites, but
allows them to be linked to directly.
Please note that we are unable to offer advice on individual cases. Please see our FAQ for advice on getting help.
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